Thursday, December 8, 2011

Shamwowing a Modest Proposal

   You!  Yes you! 

    Do you get aroused by images of dragons consuming strapping attractive heroes?  Do you fantasize about devouring your classmates like some twisted European count in an extravagant feast?  Does seeing rebellious hooligans make you picture people being rendered limb from limb?  Not want society to realize your bizarre fetishes and desires to subsequently indulge and destroy the apples of your sexual eye?

   Then do I have the product for you!

   Behold normalcy mask!

   That's right this delightful little mask will allow you, the possibly psychotic introvert to move about every day society with the distinct impression that you are in fact normal.  Show off to your friends, impress that girl you sort of think you're in love with yet have no sexual attraction to and are bored out of your mind while indulging the fluttery little moths in the tummy moments replacing genuine intimacy.  Why admit sexual deviancy when you can just pretend?!  And for just five easy payments of 14.99 this wonder of modern post colonial fiction can be yours!

Warning: Normalcy Mask may cause unhealthy retention of natural tendencies, confusion, vomiting, unexplained Lupus, irrational reactions to normal situations, poorly written parodies drawing loose connections to scottish satyrists, and the author you may or may not be an autobiographical interpretation of committing ritual suicide.  Normalcy Mask should not be used by pregnant women, bdellophobes (look it up), or anyone named George.  Please see your doctor if Normalcy Mask leads to any of these complications.

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